Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
