im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
