i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we're making bets on your personal life
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
