Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
