I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
