Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
