Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Randomize
