And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
