what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
