found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
