well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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