I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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