I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
