So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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