Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
