youre lurking in front of me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
