Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
