She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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