Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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