Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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