When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
