My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
