She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize