3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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