if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Its about making memories worth repressing
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
