i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize