I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
