He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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