Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
