it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
