after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
