Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
