My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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