my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
