I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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