It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
