So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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