Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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