I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
