You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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