Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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