I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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