Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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