went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
