My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
