She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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