Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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