started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
