I didn't shave. On purpose
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
