I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you never un-have a 4some
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
