halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
