Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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