3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
