arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
