If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
