you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
