You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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