Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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