Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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