we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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