i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
