Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
