I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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