Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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