I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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