First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
