The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
