ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
