Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
