Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
